Tonight at work we had a hen’s party. The bride to be was gorgeous and that got me thinking about if I will ever get married. I use to think about it all the time and once upon a time I had the ring and everything and I was hopeful and planning a wedding. That change and I was single again.
Well tonight I’m thinking if I am ready to do that. I am such a loner and I enjoy my own company 9 times out of 10. I would love to get married but at the moment I couldn’t think of anything worst. Having to get everything ready, from the much loved dress to the little things like napkins and confetti. I couldn’t see the point to all that and yes I am a girl who dreams about it but I feel like that was a long time ago when I was a girl.
I have grown up the hard way and now I dread the little silk box that is meant to mean pure happiness. The girl at work who is happily married told me all the good things about it but the one thing she couldn’t help but laugh at was my suggestion of only having one man, one cock and two balls for the rest of your life. I am in my prime and I couldn’t think of having to settle with only one man when men still watch me pass in a bar as if I was the dessert that they were never aloud to eat!
Not putting tickets on myself and it could be just the drinks talking! I see happily married people in the world walk by and I still think “oh isn’t that cute” but honestly I could only see myself every being a single mum and a head strong woman for the rest of my life. I realize that there is going to be a time in my life when my looks fail me and I see all the men that wanted me going for younger girls but still I’m to wild to be tamed by just any man.
Than I started thinking of the qualities that I would want in a man and I couldn’t think of a single one that I could stomach. I’m not much of a romantic. To me it’s more like show up naked, bring rum and ciggies! LOL it’s a shame to think of my life turning into something that some people would call bare and lonely but I had some really great friends who have everything in life that I should want and there still not happy. I’m not an easy person to please when I’m looking for a relationship but hey I’m not looking for that. I am happy being me and I love my own company and as for my sex life. Well let’s just say that my dreams go wild at night so I’m really not missing out on much!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Closing the Chapter of Rex
Well last night me and Rex decided to go our separate ways. I don’t know how I feel about this as I still don’t feel sad or upset. Weird. I think it has something to do with my heart. I feel as though it has iced fully over and I’m not afraid that I will end up alone for the first time in my whole life. I am not frightened of going to the movies alone, the one night stands or the dry times that my sex life is about to experience. Although that last one is really going to suck. I have a feeling that my heart is still broken and after the many loves and tragedies in my life I can honestly say that I can understand why. My first love died horrible, the second cheated on me and the third couldn’t commit to me. I have dated many men but they are the three loves of my life.
Tonight at work I had a lot of spare time to think about my broken heart and why I torture men so. I know how to make a man want me and I know what to do to get him to fall for me but if I lose interest than so does the man. Well that is what happened with Rex. Poor bloke didn’t know that he was circling the Venus fly trap when I made him fall madly in love with me. Of course at this moment in my life I am just addicted to the game but not the commitment. It was fun and he was a great companion and god dam the sex was great (Oh the memories) but the fact that I couldn’t love him made he think that I didn’t want him. I guess I learnt a lesson with Rex that not all nice guys are right for me. For he was the nicest guy I have dated but the baggage he had was enough to fly to the moon and back. I will never hate him for what happened as it is as much my fault as his but I don’t think I could ever take him back.
Well that’s the end of me and Rex and I will probably reminisce the good times and the sexcapades in other blogs yet to be posted. As of now, I close the Rex chapter of my life and move out into the big scary single world full of set-ups made by friends and family and the great sex of random guys that may one day turn into the man of my dreams. (Mind you I am not holding my breath any time soon). I will take life one day at a time and one man per day. LOL for that is the code for all single women who live in small towns.
Tonight at work I had a lot of spare time to think about my broken heart and why I torture men so. I know how to make a man want me and I know what to do to get him to fall for me but if I lose interest than so does the man. Well that is what happened with Rex. Poor bloke didn’t know that he was circling the Venus fly trap when I made him fall madly in love with me. Of course at this moment in my life I am just addicted to the game but not the commitment. It was fun and he was a great companion and god dam the sex was great (Oh the memories) but the fact that I couldn’t love him made he think that I didn’t want him. I guess I learnt a lesson with Rex that not all nice guys are right for me. For he was the nicest guy I have dated but the baggage he had was enough to fly to the moon and back. I will never hate him for what happened as it is as much my fault as his but I don’t think I could ever take him back.
Well that’s the end of me and Rex and I will probably reminisce the good times and the sexcapades in other blogs yet to be posted. As of now, I close the Rex chapter of my life and move out into the big scary single world full of set-ups made by friends and family and the great sex of random guys that may one day turn into the man of my dreams. (Mind you I am not holding my breath any time soon). I will take life one day at a time and one man per day. LOL for that is the code for all single women who live in small towns.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday 20th March 2009
Well, this is the start of something beautiful or the start of something else that I can't find the right words for. This idea of starting this blog came to me as I was writing in my notepad about my life and the world around me. I am not a great writer but I do enjoy my life alot so I thought I could share. I live in Queensland in Australia and I am 21 years old. I feel like my whole life is like the chapters of this book that I can't put down. Much to my disliking I always have this mad urge to skip the next couple of boring bits to get back to the much more thrilling parts!
As of today I am no longer single. I am a little dishearted as I always feel I have more fun when I have no one holding me back but I can't say that the number of men and the lonelyness that keeps creeping into my bones like a winter chill is something that I enjoy either. I am seeing this man called Mr Rex. Of course that is not his real name but to open the chapters of my book online for the world to see and opening someone elses book online doesn't sit to well with me.
Well this is the first of many and I thought that I would open this book to the chapter about how I met Mr Rex
To get back to the story, Mr Rex and I have some history. We met in the hot summer in the last days of November 2008. It was my best friends 21st and although I was late, I was determind to be there. Like most of the 21st that I had to attend this one was no different in the aspect that it was a costum party but at least it wasn't a bad theme. The theme was 'The Hat Party'. The idea was to get people to wear silly hats! (Sorry it is really obvious.) I walked in and said the normal Happy Birthday, Congrats your 21 and the rest but soon she flitted of to see family and I was stuck with no one I knew or liked and with nothing to do but drink. So drink I did! I ended up sitting with a girl on the back steps. We talked heaps and I started to really like her. Her name was Elspeth. After a while she introduced me to her husbane Abe and we all started talking. But then something weird happened that shocked me and still does to this day. Abe went to get us a drink only to return with nothing. It was weird but what made it really confusing is when I asked where our drinks were he gave me a weird look and asked if we wanted him to get us some? Little did I know that Elspeth was having a good laugh at me because I had mistakeing him for her husbane Abe. After a weird look from me he turned around and said 'sorry I think your a little confused'. I though he must have been reading my mind? He than introduced himself to me as Mr Rex and told me that Abe, his twin brother was coming back with the drinks.
Well, I was shocked. I felt my face redden as he laughed it off. An easy laugh that makes your heart skip a beat when his smile reaches his eyes and sparkles like the colour of the sky in winter. Elspeth than hinted that Mr Rex was single and after getting a look for Mr Rex she left us to talk in peace. After going out and meeting some friends Mr Rex decided that he wanted to be alone with me so I sugested my house which is down the road from the clubs. We spent the rest of the night talking open to each other about our troubles and holding hands like lovers. It was nice to open up to someone that was going through the same things that I was facing. I believe it was at that moment that I realized just how hansome he really was. Sandy blonde hair, baby blue eyes that seemed to send fire through my blood at such speed that I felt my heart beating uncontrolable that I had to slow it down more than once. He was clearly a romantic and it wasn't long before our causal talking got to a more personal level. I found out that he has a 4 year old daugther who he loves with much passion but unfortunely the mother is a little diffitcult to deal with. As the sun was starting to rise he called a cab but not before I got his number. As he drove of in that cab I was left thinking to myself about the fun I had just had with him and if I would actually use the phone number that he had giving me. Little did I know that I would hear from him sooner than even I intended.
Well that is the story about how I met Mr Rex.
As of today I am no longer single. I am a little dishearted as I always feel I have more fun when I have no one holding me back but I can't say that the number of men and the lonelyness that keeps creeping into my bones like a winter chill is something that I enjoy either. I am seeing this man called Mr Rex. Of course that is not his real name but to open the chapters of my book online for the world to see and opening someone elses book online doesn't sit to well with me.
Well this is the first of many and I thought that I would open this book to the chapter about how I met Mr Rex
To get back to the story, Mr Rex and I have some history. We met in the hot summer in the last days of November 2008. It was my best friends 21st and although I was late, I was determind to be there. Like most of the 21st that I had to attend this one was no different in the aspect that it was a costum party but at least it wasn't a bad theme. The theme was 'The Hat Party'. The idea was to get people to wear silly hats! (Sorry it is really obvious.) I walked in and said the normal Happy Birthday, Congrats your 21 and the rest but soon she flitted of to see family and I was stuck with no one I knew or liked and with nothing to do but drink. So drink I did! I ended up sitting with a girl on the back steps. We talked heaps and I started to really like her. Her name was Elspeth. After a while she introduced me to her husbane Abe and we all started talking. But then something weird happened that shocked me and still does to this day. Abe went to get us a drink only to return with nothing. It was weird but what made it really confusing is when I asked where our drinks were he gave me a weird look and asked if we wanted him to get us some? Little did I know that Elspeth was having a good laugh at me because I had mistakeing him for her husbane Abe. After a weird look from me he turned around and said 'sorry I think your a little confused'. I though he must have been reading my mind? He than introduced himself to me as Mr Rex and told me that Abe, his twin brother was coming back with the drinks.
Well, I was shocked. I felt my face redden as he laughed it off. An easy laugh that makes your heart skip a beat when his smile reaches his eyes and sparkles like the colour of the sky in winter. Elspeth than hinted that Mr Rex was single and after getting a look for Mr Rex she left us to talk in peace. After going out and meeting some friends Mr Rex decided that he wanted to be alone with me so I sugested my house which is down the road from the clubs. We spent the rest of the night talking open to each other about our troubles and holding hands like lovers. It was nice to open up to someone that was going through the same things that I was facing. I believe it was at that moment that I realized just how hansome he really was. Sandy blonde hair, baby blue eyes that seemed to send fire through my blood at such speed that I felt my heart beating uncontrolable that I had to slow it down more than once. He was clearly a romantic and it wasn't long before our causal talking got to a more personal level. I found out that he has a 4 year old daugther who he loves with much passion but unfortunely the mother is a little diffitcult to deal with. As the sun was starting to rise he called a cab but not before I got his number. As he drove of in that cab I was left thinking to myself about the fun I had just had with him and if I would actually use the phone number that he had giving me. Little did I know that I would hear from him sooner than even I intended.
Well that is the story about how I met Mr Rex.
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